Pissed off? Disappointed? Lost of hope? Giving it up? I don't really know. CG is bound in just half an hour and I am supposed to leave the house soon. Just in case you guys don't know, CG is actually class gathering, which is organised after we graduate to bring back the class together once in a while. Well, sad to say our CGs never come really good except the first one, which was organised by Brenda. I guess girls do have a better influence over boys. Maybe I should consider contacting her about next CG.
Though I shouldn't exactly keep my hopes too high. She doesn't exactly like Derek. That may be an understatement but I think you guys get the general idea. I just got back on with her anyway, as friends, though I could still feel a sense of total disappointment in her message. I don't know how to reply when she asked me not to change so much again, all I did was sent back a curt, "Ok". Frankly, I guess she's just blaming me for breaking up with YY. But what's the point of staying together?
I have been hurt by her countless times that I just totally gave up in this relationship. It reduced me to nothing more than a coward who could only love in silence. How different it was from the past me where I was once full of confidence regarding love? I don't really know it myself.
I don't really wish to say anything more. I messaged "her" on whether she was coming to CG, but she didn't reply me. I was really hoping to see her as it has been months since I last saw her. *The "her" here isn't YY*
I can't believe I used to have the courage to go home with her after CCA but ever since my CCA has been extended to longer hours, I can't bear to let her wait so I just stop messaging her. Well, it became mutual and she stopped too. I guess that was where we just stop contacting each other until now...
That's enough for now. CG in 20 minutes. Got to leave the house now. But frankly, I don't expect more than five to turn up. Let's see and I will try to get back to you today.